Monday, June 23, 2008

National Geographic or Climber vs Everything Inferior???

We all know that climbers cannot be hurt and can easily escape any dangerous situation with ease and style... but why? To answer this age old question, I going to start a series of blogs (or at least one) listing the strengths and weaknesses of two (or more) mortal enemies: climber vs some sort of natural beastie...

Before I get into the meat and potatoes of this pressing global issue, I must ask the reader: what should I call this series (post)? First (and last rule): you can only pick one of the two titles of this post. Although I may give consideration to very creative titles, I wanted to start a National Geographic post for a while now, and I am very partial (narcissism) to my own ideas...

Today, we have me vs Timmy the Bobcat.

Eric (Climber) on Saturday Night Live, v4 Joshua Tree
Photo by Abbie Mood

Reasons I am superior:

1. As you can see from the picture, Eric has a vertical leap of at least 3 or more inches. This extraordinary feat is exceptionally useful in any situation in which escape would only be possible by jumping over a 3 inch object.
2. Opposable thumbs... yea, yea I know...
3. Rock Climber (get used to that one).
4. Cats suck

Possible Inferiorities (or opponent's luck as I like to say)

1. I have terrible camouflage. My German and Native American heritage has prevented me from being able to hide in the desert, casinos, or in any place where the smell of sour cabbage is unusual.
2. Heavy cocaine use... by the cat.


Bobcat (we'll call him Timmy since I'm pretty sure I could take most Timmy's. Oh and he is in the catergory of Everything Inferior). Joshua Tree
Photo by Eric

Reasons the cat may stay in the fight longer

1. The cat can jump waaaaaaayyyy higher than me. Enabling him to run away from me and hide in high places
2. Good camouflage, except for that whole being out in broad daylight while I stand 30 feet away...
3. Pointy ears that may or may not be sharp, but let's be serious; would you ask the guy mugging you if his gun had bullets???
4. Claws...

Reasons the cat will always be inferior

1. uhhh... he was friggin' dozing off while I was taking pictures of him... maybe he was faking but I doubt it.
2. NOT A CLIMBER
3. I would not make a cool hat... timmy would and will... someday
4. Understands capitalism and investing in mutual funds less than I do. I hear he isn't maxing out his 401k either... we'll see in 30 years...

Verdict: I win

Climbers - 1
Everything Inferior - 0

5 comments:

Drewski78 said...

I'm going to have to disagree with you on two points. Cats can climb and just because Timmy isn't maxing out his 401k doesn't mean he isn't investing properly. He prefers to play it safe and diversify. I've seen his portfolio and quite frankly, in today's struggling economy, I'm inclined to back Timmy on his investment decisions.

Jeff Sillcox said...

I'm with Drew... the cat can climb a tree way faster than you and I don't think Timmy is worried too much about his long term investments since bobcats don't live that long.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bobcat#Reproduction_and_life_cycle

Timmy can probably hold his breath longer than Eric too...

Abbie said...

It doesn't matter how fast you can get up a tree if someone has to call a firefighter to get you down.

And it's important to note that cats not only get stuck in trees, but cabinets, between stair rungs, and in other small areas that require outside assistance to get out of...

Andrew said...

Wait a minute fella, I don't know too many climbers who are 'maxing out their 401k,' do you?

Eric said...

I live in SoCal... i am willing to bet there are quite a few "trust fund" climbers down here!